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"Being a girl -- woman -- online is kind of like navigating a psychosocial labyrinth-- you're at the center of the network performing your personality for an audience that is for the most part anonymous, which can be a solipsistic, retreat-into-the-self, confusing experience."
AN INTERVIEW WITH SWAN MEAT FROM HYSTERIA BY GIRLONFILM ISSUE 01 "BITTERSWEET":
Q. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS?
A. PRODUCER / OF / MUSIC - I feel truly like these are the best "three words" to describe me, as my personality changes depending on, you know, the state of the world + the vibe. In some situations I'm shy and weird, in others outgoing + confident, sometimes naive, but sometimes self-aware. I do know making music is the one thing I love more than anything in the world, so
Q. PLEASE TELL US A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR BACKGROUND. HOW DID YOU START DJING/PRODUCING MUSIC? WHAT OR WHO WERE YOUR EARLY PASSIONS AND INFLUENCES?
A. I started producing music in early 2016 but I've played the violin since I was a little kid. I also had a brief stint in high school where I was playing in bands and playing the guitar-- I've been meaning to pick it back up again. I started DJing in 2017. However, I feel like I only really came into my own as both producer and DJ in the past two years or so. I was raised by a very musical mother, she was a dancer & actress in regional musical theater, so those childhood influences are still embedded in my mind: classical music & showtunes.
As I got older, I became absolutely obsessed with music of all stripes, and ended up on this trajectory that had me turning from classic and prog rock to hardcore punk to noise, then lastly to electronic and club music. For me, Ableton/music production was a means to an end; because I didn't have the resources to start a band or direct any sort of orchestra I figured well, this is the best I can do.
Now, ofc, I love it.
Q. WHAT THINGS CAN YOU NOT LIVE WITHOUT?
A. Besides the givens - my family, friends, music - and obvious biological essentials, I would say my daily runs, katjes and laugenecken from Germany (where I live), poetry by Louise Glück, the anime Gurren Lagann, the Mastodon album Leviathan, Monster Energy, my collection of Tool tour shirts. LOL.
Q. TO YOU, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A GIRL ONLINE? HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH THE INTERNET?
A. Being a girl -- woman -- online is kind of like navigating a psychosocial labyrinth-- you're at the center of the network performing your personality for an audience that is for the most part anonymous, which can be a solipsistic, retreat-into-the-self, confusing experience. It's difficult to know who to trust. I think the monopolistic prominence of the social media 'giants' has flattened our avenues for self-expression, if that makes sense: like, on Instagram, the algorithm tends to "push" the accounts of (not just) women who fit a particular mold, usually one determined by celebrities and the wealthy. See: Jia Tolentino's great article on the Kardashian face phenomenon.
If you don't have access to this wealth or if you simply don't feel comfortable or want to present yourself in this way, it can feel like being a speck of dust floating through a hive city. Of course, that begs the question of why we even want to feel "seen" on social media, anyway, and why do we as women feel, especially, the pressure to be seen?
This plays out similarly if you are a musician or DJ trying to promote your work; the algorithm has clearly been trained to recognize and like particular images: HÖR DJ sets, videos of crowds, full body shots. Even if you're the kind of DJ who has the PR and resources to collate these algorithm-friendly images, perhaps that's simply not how you want to exist and promote your work online. As such, the avenues for self-expression are thinned.
Feels weird for me, because I make rave music, sure, but I feel it's pretty bizarre and baroque and it doesn't feel right to have to push it in this manner...
I feel like I could talk about a lot here. But I don't want to ramble on. One day I want to touch upon my experiences running a mildly popular account on Tumblr at the height of the teenage girl classic rock fandom. I was kind of at the center of the Led Zeppelin tumblr-verse as a 16-year-old.
That was weird.
Q. DO YOU HAVE ANY UPCOMING PLANS FOR THE FUTURE THAT YOU
WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS?
A. I'll be releasing a lot of new music in the upcoming months and am going to be touring in Australia for the first time, which is exciting! I've got a new record in the works but it's still very much in the works.
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